Change

This speck of cyber space is tainted.

Oh, of course I will continue to keep this page open. Open, and quite abandoned. But I would sometimes give into nostalgia and visit the pages in which I used to pour my heart into.

Ah... Good-bye.

Misanthropy

Now, it is an extremely pleasant afternoon. Approximately 1.18pm. I am sitting in this quaint little cafe that my father happens to own. The rain is pouring down gently, drenching the asphalt and giving the Malaysian weather its rather damp yet sunny appearance, I am sick of it, you could say I am polluted and choked by the smell, the stench of this place. A cigarette bud is still smoking on the ground before me. I am freezing under one of the powerful airconditioning units, but all I hear is the steady beat in my ears, the drowning of my person in techno. How I have missed techno before in my fourteen years of life is beyond me. Perhaps I should thank this particular shadow in my life for introducing the hypnotic vibrations and sounds of techno ?

I do not think so. Pardon my sarcastic bibliophile. I have hereby developed misanthropy, a cynical view towards all things humane and good, and a toxic, acrid, sardonic bite for the young and the hopeless. Reading back on my old posts, no, not really reading back, just the memory of how I used to capture emotion, it strenghtens my hatred and mistrust of humankind all the more resolutely. I am afraid this must somehow include my hatred for myself ? For I am part of the virus, the disease and the epidemic that is humanity. I detest it, yet I am powerless to prevent. Or perhaps I do not wish to, perhaps in the most ironic twist I can muster, I am the cause and effect. This is rather complicated, my mind erodes from all the thinking, and scheming of late. To sum it all up in words as so your feeble minds can comprehend. I am frustrated, angry - at my own attitude towards everything. And I know what is wrong with my person. But the choice and the power to stop it escapes me. And I must deduce and digress that such an optimistic, lovestruck, somewhat happy Vivian is gone. Probably for good.

Probably for as long as I am lost. And broken. For I am far too tired to keep fighting for the things I love, for the people I supposedly care for, for myself. I will allow this to corrode my system, and my senses. And I will forget all that used to be good, and holy and right in the world. I admit, I have counted myself among the better people, perhaps I have valued myself a bit too much ?

I am far too exhausted to think. My resistance is futile. I will disappear.

You want a fucking piece of me ?

There is nothing left.

Oh and yes, this revelation of self-desperation does mean I am back. I am back with a vengeance. I wonder where I have hidden for the past three months or more. Blinded and enslaved. How could I have been so stupid ?

Mmf. This current blog is tainted with the misgivings of my past mistakes.

You're golden, handsome. And I'm just wishing I could come into contact with every inch of your skin all at once. And I'm just standing here, watching you coruscate. And I'm right here. Vowing to protect you and that fragile heart of yours, that beats just for me.

Lucas : Vivian

I lost my soul.
What ?
I lost my soul. I'm going to go look for it now.
No. Don't go.
But, do you know where my soul went ?
Yeah. I have it. Right here.

I have it. Right here. <3

Can science and religion co-exist?

The matters of Science and Religion are fragile things. Like walking on water, you make ripple effects. And that in turn, would bring consequences. Sometimes I think about them, most of the time. In rare instances like these, I forget all strands of contrition.

I don't know if I worship Atheists, or if I'm subject to my own race, and tradition. But they do both come down to the same thing, both demand full devotion. I'm practically in an in-between state of mind. Quite annoying.

So the bigger question would be, if I believed in the latter stated in the featured question above. I guess, I can't really say anything would exist without logical proof. And that Science would be the better option, seeing as how it is proven to be logical. And Religion is a collection of hope and given reality.

And I was wondering, what makes Science logical ? And Religion all the more elusive to grasp ?

Even if I could ? I wouldn't choose to devote myself entirely to one prospect. The immaterial and unconventional, the unproven and the supernatural, the elusive, irregular and the uncanny, I'll leave to solve themselves.

The rest is just bullshit. Science and Religion are both just names, everything exists. But it doesn't mean they have to co-exist. Just like people.

Ah well. Don't mind me. I was bored.

I just answered this Featured Question, you can answer it too!

I am a noob. Can't cook , can't sew. Can't edit. But I like these.

Because he's the only one of the two of us that makes this picture.

Chocoholic and Pingu Head. Yeah, like freaks like freaks. I love this freakazoid. 

Hello ... :)